Getting Re-Connected, Take Some Time To Feel The Magic

With all the hustle and bustle of the holidays it is easy to feel
overwhelmed and stressed at times. As we know, stress can
be very counter productive to any positive shift that we are
trying to create in our lives.
 
I would like to invite you to take some time for yourself, just
a few minutes a day, to get re-connected with your heart center.
By doing so, you give yourself an opportunity to breathe deeply
and get back to a place of peace within.
 
Here is a simple meditative exercise that can help you reconnect
and you can do it virtually anywhere:
 
Place your hand over your heart and inhale deeply, as you
do imagine that you are going inside your heart, as though
your heart were a beautiful room full of light. Exhale, and release
all tension as you connect to that space within your heart.
 
Repeat about 10-15 times.
 
This simple yet profound exercise, will help you to center yourself
and will reconnect you to your inner peace.
 
The practice of meditation is a way to go deeper into ourselves
beyond the realm of the mind. It is like a doorway into the energy
flow of life. It helps us to awaken from the deep sleep of endless
mind activity into a space above and beyond the demands of
everyday experience. The only way for this to really make
sense, is to give it a try.
 
This simple little meditation can easily be taught to children,
thus giving them the opportunity and space to reconnect with
their inner selves.
 
As we know, children also need time to recharge and regenerate
especially after a day at school. This simple practice is very
beneficial in calming a child that has been exposed all day to
various energies.
 
If you've been really busy lately, give yourself the opportunity to
experience the magic of the holidays through the joy and
wonder of your child's experience at this time. In other words,
reconnect the magic between you and your child. Let your child
lead the way, just follow with your heart.
 
Invite your child to bake with you, if that is your custom. Plan a date
with your child to watch a holiday movie together with popcorn.
 
The magic of the holidays should not pass by, lost inside the
burden of the 100 or so things that you need to get done. Find
some time to stop and look at the beauty around you.
 
Go for a walk with your child and just take a look at all the beautiful
colored lights decorating the many homes. Practice being present
to the feeling of the special energy of magic that is so evident at
this time.
 
Take a moment to cuddle with loved ones. Turn off all of the lights
except for the Christmas tree and let the feeling just be inside of you.
 
Feeling "connected" is a deep and basic human need. It originates
with the truth that, "separation is illusion, we are one". Assisting
your child to find ways to maintain a deep sense of connection
to his inner state of being is like providing him with a gift that he
can go back to over and over again throughout the course of
his life.

Try to be acutely present, if you can, to all of the moments and
opportunities that arise that allow you to explore your connection
to yourself and your child(ren).
 
Things may go wrong, plans may change, however, try to hold
onto the notion that it is your EXPERIENCE that is meant to
take your life into the next level. It is your experience, not the
outcome that you seek, that brings you to a higher level of
consciousness. By giving up our attachments to outcomes,
we clear a space for the experience to guide us to our higher
purpose. Outcomes are fleeting and mutable, inner peace is
lasting and is always there for us to come home to.
We just have to choose it.
 
Consciously decide to think about what you appreciate about
the holiday season. Make a commitment to fully appreciate
your child's joy and all the blessings that you have in this moment.
 
Stop looking for obstacles and start looking for magic, and
you will find it.
 
May you have a joyful
and love filled holiday,

Melinda Asztalos

When Parents are Too Controlling

As the pace of life seems to speed up, so do our expectations.
Sometimes, in our rush or stress driven culture we lose sight
of the fact that we are being set up to move faster and "do" more.

Becoming more controlling with our children is a sort of
by-product of the energy of the culture that we are living into.
Before we know it, we have created patterns that are not exactly
in alignment with the kind of parents that we initially set out to be.

Parents who are overly controlling hardly ever recognize this in
themselves. Becoming a conscious parent means that you are
now practicing listening to your words and watching your reactions.
This can be difficult when we've established a few patterns
that are counter-productive.

Try to ask yourself, "How often do I jump in to help my child
out with a simple task that he is struggling to complete but
is just on the verge of “getting it?”

How often do you step in to negotiate for your child
(in a situation where your child is learning to get along
with others in a social setting) instead of coaching or
guiding your child through a social challenge?

When a child completes a task that is not as “perfect”
as his parent would like it to be and the parent is quick to
point this out, over and over again, the result tends to be
a child who develops the idea that there isn’t much point
to reaching for success. His “failure” to meet his parents
expectations overshadows his motivation to keep trying.
On the other end of the spectrum, he may be caught in
an endless struggle of trying to win his parents’ admiration
by over achieving.

Over achieving and striving for excellence is fantastic, when
it is intrinsically motivated. When it is solely motivated by the
aching need to please another in order to feel worthy, it is not
coming from a place of strength and confidence.
It is coming from a feeling of lack.

When conditions for admiration, love and kindness are
placed on our children, they are not given the opportunity to
figure out for themselves how amazing and unique they are.
They are too busy trying to please.

Parents don’t do this consciously. That is why listening to and
watching yourself as a parent is an important part of instilling
confidence.

When we become over controlling, for whatever reason, we
disempower our children and we lose a part of our connection
with them. No loving parent consciously chooses this. It just happens.
Recognizing it is the first step to transforming it.

As we pay attention to the patterns that show up again and again,
we can begin to navigate towards a more heart centred way of parenting
by choosing to allow our children the space to find their own way
through our guidance.

We can begin to acknowledge that instilling confidence will
provide our children with far more effective tools with which
to go into the world.

At the end of the day, would you rather have it done "right"
whatever the cost or would you have it done in a space where
love and learning are present.

Turn Off The TV Because I Love You

Parents innately know that too much TV for a child, or anyone,
for that matter is not a good thing. Sometimes, we just need some
peace in order to cook dinner or take care of a task. In this respect,
the TV is very alluring for parents who are exhausted, overwhelmed
stressed or all three at the same time.

Getting your children used to entertaining themselves without the
TV may prove to be less challenging than you think and it provides
a win-win situation for everyone.

Here are a few things that you may not know about TV watching:

TV is not relaxing, it is actually stimulating, but not in a way that is
useful for young minds. A young child needs to interact with people
and the world around him in order to develop healthy brain function.
Watching TV is passive stimulation, where the child is being bombarded
with fast paced editing that lends itself to being "zoned out".

A brain needs habitual age appropriate mental challenges
for proper growth and stimulation.

Researchers have found that popular baby videos designed to stimulate
vocabulary actually had more detrimental effects that positive ones.
Babies require face to face stimulation and interaction with a parent
in order to learn. TV or Video watching interferes with the way the
young brain begins to "hard-wire" itself.

In order for the brain to develop optimally, a child needs to engage fully
in creative play that both challenges and inspires him to make full use
of the sensory data he is receiving.

The 2D experience of TV watching robs your child of engaging in problem
solving, visual and cognitive strengthening as well as learning
important social skills.

When a child does not have time set aside for introspection (playing alone,
or reading quietly) it is very difficult for him to get connected to a deeper
sense of self. With introspection comes getting to know your inner voice
and finding the wisdom within. It is a time to decompress and reflect.
Through this time of reflection a child has the chance to sort things
out and to discover his interior world.

Research indicates that children's creativity and problem solving abilities
decline as they continue to watch TV and for longer periods of time.
A child's imagination is basically watered down when TV takes up
a few hours a day of their time.

A few hours a day equals hundreds of hours a year.

If a child is used to watching a certain amount of TV per day, cutting
him off "cold turkey" seems unreasonable and can lead to resentment.

Here are a few ideas to help you with the transition from less
TV to more creative play:

Ask interesting questions often that engage your child
and encourage her to think.

Give your child an opportunity to play actively, using her whole body
as in swimming, gymnastics, soccer, etc.

Start cutting back TV watching until there is no more than 1/2 hour
after school of screen time and one - two hours on weekends.

Bring your child into the kitchen with you as you make dinner and have
her do her homework or an activity that she likes such as drawing, for example.

Give your children creative and exciting projects that are aligned with
their interests and watch how engaged they become.

Provide lots of positive feedback when your child has found ways
to play creatively.

Remember that it is critical for you to remain consistent around your
rules about TV watching so that your children know what to expect.

Withholding TV is not a punishment it is an act of claiming back the
direction that you want your child to grow towards. That direction is
positive creativity, active listening, creative thinking, inner reflection
for greater connection to inner wisdom and celebrating the uniqueness
that is "I".

You may be amazed to find that once your child(ren) have become more
accustomed to discovering who they are and what they can do creatively,
without the TV, their demand for it begins to fall back. Your children begin
to dream big and live in their creativity which is the most natural thing
for them to do.

Trust Your Inner Wisdom

Sometimes as parents we neglect our
own inner wisdom because we have
forgotten to trust ourselves.
 
With so many opinions from friends,
family members and parenting books,
it is easy to get confused or worried
that we are not doing "the right thing".
 
Only you know how to parent your child
the way that is best for your child.
Opinions and advice are great as
inspiration or as a way to gain greater
awareness and understanding of your
beliefs and reactions. All the wisdom
that you need is already in you.
 
Only you have that special and sacred
connection with your child. Asking
for guidance with challenges is very
beneficial because it helps you to
see some things that you otherwise
may not have considered.
 
However, the ultimate and best guidance
will direct you towards your own inner
wisdom and support your goals as well
as positive change.
 
If you feel pressured to do something
because, "they say it is the right thing
to do", then it may not be right for you.
 
Trust your intuition and trust the signals
that you are getting from your child(ren).
When you get stuck, ask, research and
look for solutions, but remember to
take a deep breath and connect with your
own inner wisdom.
 
Ask yourself, what is the best course of
action for me to take right now regarding
this matter and feel the message that
your inspiration and inner wisdom is
sending you.
 
Help is always there for you, if you
are open to it. True help, stands beside
you shoulder to shoulder, supporting you
in a loving and compassionate way.
 
Everyone gets lost, stuck and exhausted
at times - you are not alone.
 
I love the beautiful words I heard from
The Reverend Dr. Michael Beckwith:
 
"Out of nothing and no way,
a way will be made".
 
Trust that you have the wisdom and the
power to create a beautiful life for
yourself and for your children.

A Simple Technique To Change Your Entire Day!

With everything going on, sometimes it is so hard
to just wake up in the morning feeling refreshed
and in a good mood.

So often we don't even think about it, we are so
used to waking up feeling less than excited about
the new day that we are about to live into.

Parents that are overtired, exhausted and burdened
with the long list of things that need to get done
are more likely to balk at the idea of waking up
feeling refreshed, let alone supercharged with
positive energy.

Here is a suggestion on how to start your day a
bit differently that can make all the difference
in the world.

About 15 minutes before you are about to get up,
try this simple technique:

Sit comfortably in your bed take a few deep
breaths and focus your attention on your heart.
As you breath deeply, imagine a pure energy flowing
through and around you.

Imagine that you are infusing this energy with
love and well being. Take your time as you
watch it all around you. Recognize it as
the energy of abundant joy, prosperity and
well being.

Just feel it around you without trying to grasp
for it. Let it flow through you and let it open
your heart to a day that is filled with a never
ending stream of this energy.

Now take a moment to think about one thing
that is working for you in your life. It
doesn't matter how small or in what area.
Really focus on that.

Focus on the energy that is flowing around you
as it feeds and expands the areas in your life
that are working.

Breath deeply. Now open your eyes and repeat:

I am grateful for receiving abundant joy today

I am grateful for receiving an abundance of
inspiration today

I am grateful for the love that is expanding
my heart right now and all day today.

Success with this exercise is determined by
how much you are willing to allow yourself to
let go and just feel the energy moving and
directing you.

Practice this exercise every morning for the
next 30 days and you WILL notice a shift
take place in your life.

A Few Tips On Instilling Confidence

Here are a few suggestions to help you instill
a deeper sense of confidence in your child:

Recognize the effort that is put forth from the
child and praise the effort. Put less emphasis
on the end result.

Your child may have fallen short of excellence,
depending on one's perspective, but the effort
shows determination and courage which
is very positive.

Encourage your child to find her special talent
and guide her to her level and perception
of perfecting it.

Make it clear that failure opens up the door to
possibility. Through losing and making mistakes,
we can learn how to do things differently.
Failure teaches us what we want to avoid and
what we can do to achieve a more desirable
result the next time. Learning to overcome
obstacles in this way encourages children
to keep trying.

Encourage children to try something new.
Support and comfort them if they do not
succeed without making it into a big deal.
Striving to overcome obstacles sometimes
takes persistence. Defeat means that you
just give up and never try. Show your child
that there is another way.

Practice giving your child little reminders
that show your appreciation of her
accomplishments.

Remain authentic with your encouragement.
Going overboard and praising every little
thing may lead your child to believe that
he needs constant praise and approval in
order to be accepted. He may conclude that
what makes him special, depends upon
what other people think of him. Feeling
worthy is then equated with
how much approval he can get.

Provide appropriate borders for your child
and remain consistent. Children can feel
if you are afraid to say no to them and
they begin to believe that they can have
whatever they want because they demand it.
This does not provide them with an awareness
of the possibilities that they can create for
themselves later on in life.

If your child is focused on his difficulties,
bring him back to focusing on his strengths.
Gently show him that difficulties help us
find solutions and that a weakness can
be turned around into a strength.

True confidence comes with an inner knowing
that we can succeed. When a perceived failure
arises, with confidence we find a way to recognize
opportunity and move through a situation by
discovering new ways of moving forward instead
of dwelling on a particularly negative event.

The ability to take risk, the ability to act with
courage and the ability to attract a way through
a situation begins with the confidence in knowing
that we can.

Coping With Uncertainty

We all know that children can feel
your energy even before you begin to
speak. When parents exude an energy
of confidence, not arrogance, their
children tend to feel it and respond with
feeling more secure and relaxed. They
feel safe, they can trust that you will be
the anchor in a storm.
 
What happens when we feel uncertain sometimes?
Should we pretend to be confident?
Should we cover up our uncertainty?
 
I have a suggestion; how about practicing
getting comfortable with the idea of
feeling confident in the face of uncertainty.
That sounds crazy and is a complete
contradiction, you might say!
 
Here is the idea explained: Instead of
pretending you know what you are doing
when a situation arises and you have
no idea how to handle it consciously,
focus on your ability to find your way.
 
First, accept that, in this moment, you
might be lost. Recognize that this is how
you are feeling right now, then shift your
thoughts to:
 
"Even though I feel lost and am not sure
what to do in this moment, I am open
to receiving inspiration and insight."
 
"I've resolved issues and challenges
in the past and I can do it again."
 
"I am grateful for receiving the solution
that is best for me and my child in this
situation."
 
When your intention is set in this way,
and you put energy into these new
empowering thoughts, you are giving
off a feeling of confidence.
 
You are confident that you will find a way
even though right now you are not sure
you know what that is.

Instead of allowing uncertainty to pull
you into fear, which does not serve you,
you are creating a space for inspired,
right action to flow.

Your child feels this confidence in you.
In this way you are also modeling, for
your child, how to handle uncertainty.
 
You are not responding with fear, you
are not pretending, and therefore being
inauthentic. You are confident in the
face of uncertainty.

Moments of uncertainty instantly create
resistance in the form of fear and fear
increases insecurity. Letting go of fear
is easy to say and hard to do. When we
understand that holding onto the fear
only generates more of it, we will begin
to try something different.

That something different is:
Letting go of the uncertainty that
has a grip on you and replace it with:

"I am confident that I will be inspired
to do what is right for my family and I."

"I am confident and grateful for the
inspiration I am receiving."

In love and light
Melinda Asztalos

Asking questions that create connections

Parents are always asking their children questions.
Most of the time, due to hectic schedules and multi-tasking,
we are pre-occupied with the practical aspects of our lives.

Sometimes we are so focused on the things that need to
get done, we forget how to ask questions that actually
encourage and inspire deeper connections with our children.

Children always hear, "Did you finish your homework?",
"Did you clean up your room?", "Did you finish your chores?",
"What is the problem here?". There is nothing wrong with these
kinds of questions, unless there is nothing more substantial
to balance them out.

Creating connections with your child is a great practice
that you can easily do everyday in a variety of ways.
What I propose is that you communicate in a light
hearted way that also is rich with depth.

For example, when things are going great, ask
questions that inspire your child, questions that
belong to the reality of his world. If you can make
a habit of eating dinner together, as a family, on
a regular basis, how about you step away from the
typical, "Did you have a good day?" and ask questions
not only for the fun of it, but to share your thoughts
about things that bring forth responses that help
you see deeper into the world of your child.

With young children I ask the question, much to their
delight, "If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?"
and "If you could do any activity imaginable in the world
right now where would you be and what would you do?"
Children love these questions because they belong in
the world of limitless possibility and engage creativity.

With older children you can try, "What is the biggest
goal you have?" and "If you could make all fear
disappear what would you love to do?"

Use your inner guidance and awareness of your
child to help inspire you to formulate questions
that move deeply into the creative energy of your child.

If you start to sound like you are interrogating or
judging, your child will SHUT OFF. This is a process
that requires authentic inquiry and non judgemental listening.
Do not fall into the midset of providing solutions to what
you see as problems, when your child is sharing his thoughts.
Just be there.

Encourage your child to ask you questions or answer
the very same question that you asked your child.

Have fun with it. You may be surprised at what you will
discover about your child. Becoming authentically interested
makes you more interesting because you opening up to
creating deeper connections. You will find that somehow
your mind shifts out of your practical day to day experience
with your child, to an experience that is more focused on
being and less on doing.

As your child grows and expands, your questions will
deepen, grounded in trust and rooted in authenticity.

With joy,
Melinda Asztalos

The Truth About "Misbehavior"

Misbehavior is a reaction that is born from the
unconscious mind in an attempt to vividly express,
"Why don't you see me?" It is an instantaneous
reflex that triggers a need to be understood,
to be seen and to be recognized.

Disconnection is neither a comfortable nor a natural
state of being. Children that are feeling disconnected
from their parents generally display temporary
emotional outbursts. Sometimes an outburst is
also attributed to a surge of negative energy
that has been held onto for a length of time.

When a child can no longer contain his hurts,
his fears, etc, there is a release of energy that
looks like a meltdown, temper tantrum or what
seems to be unreasonably "bad" behavior.

Sometimes we can only see the manifestation of
the frustration or anger. We are not able, in that
moment, to go beyond our own reactions to our
children's "misbehavior".

Basically there are 4 reasons, and combinations
thereof, as to why a child "misbehaves".
I use the term "misbehaves" loosely since
all misbehavior is a manifestation of pain
in some form.

1) ATTENTION
The child seeks connection and does not
know how else to obtain it.

2) POWER
The child holds the belief that, "I must
take from you in order to have". The concept,
"There is enough for both of us", is not clear.
This fear is rooted in feeling of lack.

3) REVENGE
Deep seated resentment manifests in the form
of, "I will get you back for what you did to me",
and "It's not fair". The child feels deeply disrespected.

4) FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY
A child holds the belief, "I just can't do it", and
"I am not good enough". The feeling of inadequacy
is painful and the outburst temporarily covers up
the pain in an attempt to regain control

When misbehaviour arises, determiine what is going
on underneath and beyond what you see in front of
you. Use the above mentioned explanations as a guide
to assist you.

Encouraging your child to express feelings is paramount.
In this way you can uncover together what the root of
the problem is.

When conscious discipline is necessary, be mindful
of your tone of voice. Your position remains firm
and natural consequences can be carried out with
a tone of calm certainty in your voice.

There is love behind your words. Your child can
hear and feel that. He may not like the natural
consequence that follows his choice of behavior
but something else is taking place at a deeper
level. He feels the love behind the words even
if he is not fully aware of it.

As you consciously intend to guide your child
to appropriate action, you do so within a space
of compassion and authentic understanding.
This naturally strengthens your connection to
your child.

You are acknowledging his "being".
You are saying to him, through your
conscious awareness, "I see you; I feel you."

Addicted to thinking

Almost all of us suffer from the chronic affliction of being addicted
to thinking. As parents, we are often overwhelmed with the million
things that have to get done. We plan, we create lists, we follow through
as best we can. Many people find it difficult to "shut off" the endless
repetition of their "mind talk".

This, of course, makes it very difficult to be present in the moment
and to practice conscious parenting. How do we still the mind enough
to remain present as much as possible? How do we get everything
done without becoming lost in the storymaking and list creating of the mind?

The mind is a beautiful thing, when it serves, not when it runs your life.
I have found that by creating habits, through diligent practice and
repetition, there is a way to multi task and still remain present and
aware. So many times I have longed for the evening so that I could go
to sleep and escape the incessant chatter of my mind going over
everything that needed to get done.

I now have created a new habit that allows me to gain that sense
of peace wherever I am, regardless of the time of day. I shift my
attention into my heart. This allows me to access the intelligence
of the heart. I give myself permission to believe in my heart.

This has proven to be a very useful exericise. I can now accomplish
many things in a single day and remain focused and present more
often than not.

The mind needs nourishment, just like body does.
The question to ask your self is "what am I feeding my mind?"

I began to watch what my focus of attention was on.
As soon as things became hectic and my mind started to race,
I brought my awareness back into my heart and started to
breathe deeply. I watched the feelings and the thoughts
and then did some housecleaning.

This also works very well as typical situations arise in
day to day living. For example, getting stuck in traffic jams,
waiting in line at the bank when you are in a rush or when
your child is having a meltdown.

The power within the heart is a self-empowered feeling,
it is different from sentimentality. It is a gateway
through which you can access your conscious presence.

To get into that space, slow down for a moment and pay
close attention to what you are feeling. Really go into that
feeling and relax the mind. Identify what you are feeling
(do not analyze your thoughts or feelings),
for example; frustration, anger, feeling overwhelmed,
stress, etc. Now think of a replacement for that feeling.

Focus on your heart and breath into it. As though you
are breathing through it. Imagine that you are breathing
your replacement feeling directly into your heart.

This will actually shift the energy within your body and mind.
As a result you begin to create new emotional signatures that
you can anchor within yourself through practice and repetition.

This is a powerful exercise and it will alleviate much of the "insanity"
of a mind that just won't be still. The wonderful thing is that you can
do it anywhere and at anytime.

Shifting your focus in this way, puts your awareness "in charge"
so that your mind can do what it was designed to do;
solve problems, not create new ones.

In love and light
Melinda Asztalos

The Power of Your Word

I've decided to take the 30 day challenge on keeping my word

It has become so easy and so normal not to follow through on our word. 

No one thinks that much about it because almost everyone is so used 

to not placing true value on the integrity of his/her word.

It's important for me to inspire my daughter to recognize the 

power of keeping one's word. I decided to take a 30 day challenge. 

In the next 30 days, I'm focusing intently on the conversations and 

agreements that I make with my daughter. 

I love this practice because it keeps me on track and focused 

in the present. Instead of rushing, it requires that I slow down a 

bit and take each opportunity to watch the way that I speak to 

my child and the degree of presence that I am experiencing 

when listening to her.

 

Keeping your word means that you honor what you are saying. 

It means that you are thinking before speaking and so you do 

not hastily make promises that you choose not to keep.

 

People give less and less value to the power of their word. 

This directly relates to the level of integrity in one's life.

 

I believe that when a child grows up in a home where 

the parents' word means something, and can be counted on, 

then a child is growing up getting the full benefit of experiencing 

life with integrity.

 

I would like to invite you to take the 30 day challenge with me.

In the next 30 days make a point of keeping your word. 

Practice saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

 

Be mindful and present to the promises and agreements that 

you make with everyone in your life. Recognize that you are 

your word and choose to remain true to yourself and your 

commitment to your word.

 

Decide who you are going to be in the face of your inner 

dialogue as well as your outward expression. Catch yourself 

being inauthentic and make a conscious choice to live and 

speak with authenticity.

 

I find that this is a powerful exercise that will not only benefits 

me on a very deep level, but it also opens a doorway to 

transformation in my relationships with others.

Wishing you much joy and success

Melinda