Have you ever caught yourself saying something
to your child and remarking to yourself,
"That sounded exactly like my mom (my dad)".
Sometimes this is followed by a chuckle
because we are reflecting the comfort and
nurturing that we have experienced from
the way that we were parented, other
times we are mortified because we've
repeated a way of being that we swore
as young adults, we would never adopt.
Right or wrong, good or bad is a lot
less important than becoming aware
of unconscious patterns. The more
aware we become the easier it gets
to make choices in the moment
that reflect who we want to be.
When we parent unconsciously, we are
parenting in "reactive" mode. When "hot"
buttons are pushed that cause parents
to either react intensely or to withdraw
completely, there is an indication here
that there is a potential for growth
present. Your child has just helped you
to identify a pattern or an issue that
brings forward something that is important
or painful or both.
I remember telling my daughter one Friday
evening as we were grocery shopping that I would
be going to a seminar on the following Saturday
and that her favorite babysitter would be with
her for most of the afternoon. My daughter paused,
then looked at me with tears in her eyes and in the
most heartbreaking little voice she told me that
she was feeling very sad because she missed me and
she just wanted to be with mommy - then she began
to cry softly. I got down on my hands and knees in
the parking lot and looked her in the eye and
I could feel my entire being become overwhelmed
with pity and empathy and I felt a deeply distraught
feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I pulled myself together in that moment and made
a conscious choice to be fully present in the moment.
I recognized, painfully, in that very moment,
I was on the verge of projecting one of my childhood
experiences onto my daughter, seeing her
as myself feeling alone, scared and vulnerable.
I decided to pull back on the emotional onslaught
and simply to relate to this child in front of me,
dealing with this situation, in this moment.
I proceeded to mirror what she was expressing so
that she would know that I was listening, I then
validated her feelings and we proceeded to find
a way to climb up the emotional ladder together
by recognizing that we were together in the moment
and that we would not waste this moment with
unhappy thoughts of the "projected" future.
Gradually, my daughter eased out of her sadness
and fear and we had a really great evening, not
to mention she had a fabulous time with the
babysitter the next day.
Our feelings are our most sophisticated guidance
sensors. If we can stop in the moment and pay
attention to our feelings, we can become aware
of what we are creating in any given moment.
Being in alignment with the positive things
that we wish to have or achieve means that we
need to generate positive feelings that allow
the receiving of that which we would
like to manifest. Creating habitual patterns
within your family dynamic that resonate with
peace, joy, love or exhiliration, places you
and your family in alignment with your natural
state of being.
Practicing conscious behavior and recognizing
patterns that present a golden opportunity for
growth, will naturally bring about a gradual
state of expanding consciousness. The more that
your consciousness expands and the more you
practice becoming aligned with the harmony,
peace,love, joy, etc. that you desire, the
faster you will understand the power that
you have, that is deliberate and joyous creation
as opposed to creating randomly by default.
Whether we believe it or not, accept it or not,
like it or not, we are the creators of our
experience. We are the creators of that which
we call our life situations. What is it that
we are focusing our attention on? That which
we desire or the lack of it?
What are our dominant thoughts?
When our buttons are being pushed, what is
the drama that takes place inside of us?
Who are we relating to? Are we in the moment
or is there something in the background
that we are trying so hard to defend or justify?
Our beautiful, precious children have
"something on us" that other people in our
lives do not. The ability to push our buttons
like no one else. We can choose to see this
as a tremendous opportunity for growth and
healing. The next time you hear yourself
saying something your mom (or dad) would
say that does not please you, smile to
yourself with love and forgiveness and
embrace the opportunity in front of you.
In love and light,